The Brave New World: Chapter One

Ring out the old
Ring in the new
Ring out the old
Ring in the new

Ring out the false
Ring in the true
Ring out the old
Ring in the new

–“Ding Dong, Ding Dong” by George Harrison

It’s been a while since we’ve talked and I have so much to tell you.

I have so much to share that I don’t even know where to begin.  For the most part, there is no devastating news to type into this post, but I have news nonetheless.

For one, this happened:

Left to right: Gaby, me and Colleen

On May 11 at 9:00 a.m., I graduated from the University at Buffalo with a Masters in Social Work.  After 2 years of writing papers, having panic attacks over my lap top and trudging through rain, sleet and snow to get to class, I finally earned the damn thing.  Even though this past Fall and Spring semester was the most difficult for me, I finally tamed that wild horse and I’m ready to move on.

When I walked across the stage, I thought I’d be calm and collected.  I imagined myself shaking hands with professors before flashing the Vulcan salute to the audience. Of course that didn’t happen because I was trembling and pretty much ran off the stage because too many people were staring at me. But once I walked off the stage, I was surrounded by supports (Spirit, my spirit guides, Gaby, Colleen, Sara and Joe, the other Joe) and I was able to finally realize that this happened.  This finally happened.  Even after a week, I seriously can’t believe it.

I will not lie to you, Readers.  I told myself many times that I wouldn’t make it. That I was too much or not enough of *fill in the blank.*  I was too immature or not professional enough.  Or I didn’t win any awards, so no employer would pay attention to me.  I was also dealing with triggering subject matters: sexual abuse, child abuse and neglect.  Those who’ve read old blog entries know where I’ve come from and there were times when I didn’t even want to sit through another lecture reminding me of what happened.

At the same time, I learned that I could use my past to help others somehow, that it didn’t have to be a curse but a beacon of hope for people.  The main reason why I became a social work major was to do something to make life better for someone.  I know I can’t help everyone, but if I can do something, then I’ve served my purpose.  And I had to prove to myself that success was possible and that, just because I’m not wired like everyone else, doesn’t make me different.

With that being said, a new chapter has started in my life and I wonder what’s going to happen next.


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