“We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything, than when we are at play”
–Charles Schaefer, American psychologist and “Father of Play Therapy”
Ladies and Gentlecats,
The semester is officially over for me.
On May 2, 2012, I turned in my last essay for the semester and the summer has started for me ten times over. In other words, I got through four months of school without wanting to end lives. Now that I have all this free time, however, this also means that I have to find something to do. Which means I have to think. Again. And NOT get a grade for it.
I have to tell you now that, in the past, I would not be this content. To tell you the truth, panic overtakes me at around this time of year. For four months, I am used to having a routine–no matter how much I hate living with a routine. So when I don’t have somewhere to go on a regular basis, I have a mental anxiety attack about not doing anything by the clock. The summer season is also my “Sex Season,” a period during which I try to locate as many sex partners as I possibly can within a short time period.
But now since I don’t have the Sex Season any longer, I now had to find other activities–ones that won’t have me wondering if I contracted some social disease.
To make a long story short, I had to reinvent my idea of fun.
Let me explain. I don’t know whether it’s because of the combination of graduate school and 12-Step work, but I forgot how to have fun. I forgot what it was like to play and not take life seriously. I once again fell into the Achievement Trap, telling myself that I have to arrive to some goal or some part of my life in order to live to the fullest! It’s no wonder why I felt my passion dwindle.
So as the summer season approaches, I had to ask myself: what is fun to me and how can I recreate it for myself? First and for most, I had to reconnect with a passion for activities I already enjoy or find a new hobby. This year, I am doing something I have always enjoyed: volunteer work and radical politics. I was active in both for years and, because I live in Buffalo, I can become involved with community work very quickly and infuse my Socialist views within the work I do. Secondly, I have to connect with my inner child. I recently began playing video games again, the way I used to when I was a kid. I played Super Mario Bros. not too long ago and I have never in an extremely long time felt so childish! Thirdly, I connect with others who aren’t afraid to laugh! Whether I am bouncing around in my Wet Sweat class at the Jewish Community Center or learning about Mediumship at the Beginners Mediumship course, I often find someone (or a group of people) who laugh their asses off! This usually means that they don’t take their lives very seriously and their humor is as sick as mind. I’m going to tell you right now: I’m very uncomfortable around those who don’t smile or crack a joke on the first day I meet them because I then cannot be myself around them. However, if people make me laugh, I’m comfortable enough to want to know that individual further. And last, but not least, enjoy the moment! When I began playing video games, knitting or even writing this entry, I am aware of how I feel at that moment and what is going on around me. All my energy goes into what I am doing at that moment and I make sure, that when I am playing, I have a smile on my face when I am doing it.
As human beings, we let our lives pull us into all sorts of directions and we just go through our day not feeling anything or paying attention. We are so entrenched into our adulthood–or how we define it–that we forget how to just let go and have fun. However, we have to allow ourselves to be fun, have fun and enjoy the fun we created for ourselves. Then, and only then, can we live our lives to the fullest on every level.